THE 'HE-SHE PUZZLE'

I remember a conversation I had with a guy while an undergraduate. It was going quite well until he said something. “If I make it big now and come for you, I’m sure your story will be different”. I just chuckled… Clearly, he missed it.

Man’s mission to discover and understand all there is to know about life, I would say, began with observations of surroundings. Paying close attention to the numerous faces of the skies, the textures of sands, temperatures of waters, the many attitudes of the sun, appearances of the stars, lighting of the moon and character of the seasons fed him with knowledge. Then, recognizing his desires, and realizing the limitations of his will, created by obstacles in his environment, man began to make do with what he had while devising means of utilising what he could find to achieve what he really wanted. Steadily, he conquered his environment. Discoveries have been documented to that effect.

To further cement such discoveries, theories have been suggested and proven. However, of all theories rationalised by man, one that continues to puzzle the mind is the ‘theory of the man and woman’. For something as old as creation, one would expect that by now, it would be a no-brainer. Man defines the world and yet still struggles to understand himself.

It seems that conquering gravity, geometry, anthropology, and all the other big words that label the complex aspects of life are easier than comprehending the emotional, mental and psychological frequencies that live inside us.

Okay, going down the score sheet;

Physical attributes? Tick!!

Common trends in behaviour? Gotten!!

Material tastes and immaterial preferences? Sorted!!

Attitudes towards each other? Hmmnh…

Actions and reactions between us? ‘Noted’ would be an appropriate answer. Then it gets twisted from here on - When the ‘whys’ from both ends of the rope begin to pile.

Seeing how the sighting of a female stirs up chemical reactions in a male that affects his concentration is funny. Or that a female’s audience to a male’s words can at times so easily retire her intelligence to the abandon of redundancy, marvels me more. ;-). It still surprises me that the woman, in all her ‘softness’ could wonderfully couple with man in all his ruggedness. It isn’t so easy explaining why ladies are so eager to be given attention. It is even harder explaining how guys, who know this, still can’t help but pay attention!

There is always an undertone of some sort of tension that exists in ‘inter-gender interaction’ that is found lacking in places where all present are of the same sex. And this tension may not necessarily be a bad one. Notice how we as women and men continue to display habits that have existed for centuries and still indicate in babies born every day. We make references as we learn about them in daily experiences with friends, family and in intimate relationships we commit to.

Trying to comprehend why they are, depending on individual experiences, often wears us out that we consciously and unconsciously become aggressive towards each other; viewing the other as an opponent. Next, we involuntarily switch to writing-off members of the opposite sex; defining them by stereotypes. Such stereotypes may possess some element of truth, but usually fail in enabling us of needed opportunities to develop further.

Believing that all a man needs is money to be able to ‘tame’ a woman is a form of the cold war I’m talking about, for it belittles her as an equally sensible human being. Thinking that every man can be manipulated by the sex ore a woman carries is also debasing men, for it ignores strength of character which quite a number have. These may be pointers, but there are many other considerations around the matter.

At times, when we don’t understand something, we react by antagonising it, instead of calming down and trying to learn. This shouldn’t be but it happens between us subconciously and it's so common place that it's like a reflex. For example, your lover does something that hurts you which you've noticed in others you've been with and then you just decide to harbour a bitter taste about women whil you treat them with a vendetta without truly seeking to understand. The same goes for women. We aren’t in the battle of wit. We aren’t in a race to determine who can do better. We aren’t here to prove which sex doesn’t need the other more, to be fulfilled. Relationships shouldn’t be a means to an end but a form of companionship where love is created and battles are fort together.

Learn to grow familiar with people you meet as individuals. Yes, you will keep encountering common features among members of the same gender so don’t expect a smooth ride…especially when the persons you read don’t have any idea why they are the way they are or know if they ought to be any different. Their individual dispositions should help u engage better with them and not support you in deciding how each person fits in to gender stereotypes. This is important because individuality means difference and this is what gives life diversity and humans, hope for a ‘new show’.

On a soft note, antagonism begets us, yet we find that we are constantly amazed by the consistent revelation that we cannot do without each other. We are kept engaged by our similarities and drawn to each other by our differences. Let questions accompany our examination of each other and not premature conclusions based on unwarranted bias. There are things guys wish we knew about them but wouldn’t dare tell us, may be for fear of being overruled. There are things we want guys to know about us, but aren’t decided on how to best get the message across. The secret to achieving understanding is in seeking to understand. Seek to understand others, that you may be understood.

If you ask me, I’d say celebrate the similarities and appreciate the differences; remembering to strike a fair balance between the two. However, don't set yourself up for a fall when you could enjoy a rise. And…enjoy the puzzling ride!!! *wink wink!