RESPECT TIME OR ALLOW TIME DISRESPECT YOU

I met a man who was 43 at the time. Single, no kids had worked for years but with very little savings to show for it meanwhile his accommodation and numerous other bills were being paid for by the establishment he worked for, and yet he had no demanding financial responsibilities, investments or structural achievements to his name. Let us not forget “43” here…

He spent a lot of time at work…closed at 7pm everyday and frequently spent nights there. It got me curious because I understood his job description, his position and ranking at work, so to me, his seeming preoccupation with work matters was quite unnecessary. He even told me at one point that it wasn’t compulsory that staff stay till 7pm. The official closing hour was 4pm. Get where I’m going with this?

One weekend I discovered he was at the office all day, so I decided to pay him a visit. He was reading a book! Just imagine!!! Reading a book! I asked myself; couldn’t he have done this at home? He lived with a ‘ghost’ housemate for Christ’s sake!!! So he practically had all the privacy he needed most of the time. And besides, there were a hundred better places to go read a book than the office.

This was when I started to ask myself some questions. Was it the house that troubled him? Or did possible loneliness at home make him think? Anyway, two months down the line I realised he desperately wanted all the things he didn’t have – a family, to build a lovely house for them too, to become a billionaire, etc. I gradually began to understand that Ferdinand regretted having not gotten all these long ago. He was in denial, but I knew better. You can’t hide the transparent nature of ‘raw desire’. But…what was wrong? Because I knew he graduated from the university early and had gotten a promising job at 21. In other words, he started life early. I came to the conclusion that Ferdi here, had just been drifting through life.

Bear with me for sounding like a broken record but, “there is time for everything”. I must say this, my friends. The popular quality about time which we frequently remind ourselves of is that “time waits for no one”. The funny thing about this is, we are aware that time continues regardless of our ability or inability to keep up with it.

 A number of us don’t realize that time surrounds everything and plays a role in every aspect of life. Some of us make the mistake of living life as though it were independent of time. We peg activities to time frames, forgetting that in fact, the processes of such activities and their completion exist in time.

Time is what makes a ‘beginning’ feasible and it is time that gives course an ‘ending’. Time doesn’t just mark the start and finish of processes, stages, phases and activities. It also guides the completion of projects, accomplishment of tasks, viability of events and measurement of performances. It positions occurrences as well as awards priority to circumstances, events and people. Time gives scope to incidents and it gives birth to memories.   

A lot of people see time as a third generation cousin or a distant relative who sees us occasionally from afar. We overlook the fact that time can be a governing/guiding season as well as a periodic task oriented time keeper; ensuring we get the little things done that come together to form the bigger picture of destiny / future.

We think of time only as a reminder of the clock ticking and we don’t realise that even time rules the clock. While we use the short (hour) and the long (minute) hands of the clock to attach value to our dealings and border our plans and goals, we must remember that ‘age’ is time in itself: The king of all time.

It is not too much to say that you must put a start and end date to whatever plans you have. This makes your plans sizable and therefore, easier to achieve. Value of personality decreases if one has aged beyond a period for which it is expected he ought to have achieved a certain number of things. Do things at the appropriate time. Age is a good indicator of proper time…even though there are cases where people achieve greatness earlier than generally expected in life.

The youngster is known for his capacity to learn quickly and impeccable memory. But as you would guess, such sound memory and energy diminishes as he grows old. The same applies to all in all areas of life. Discover yourself early in life. Define what your goals and ambitions are early and put in effort to make sure your decisions and actions throughout take you closer to the realisation of those (long term or short term) goals and ambitions. Commit to your education from the start and graduate at once, marry when you ought to (should this be what you want); bear kids when you ought to and so on.

Work hard when it is most important, and play harder when it is called for. Have fun not just when you can but when you should. Face your fears, take bold steps, and take risks sensibly, so you can move forward in life at an acceptable pace. You should be different for the better at the end of every year. You must have improved in something (good) or acquired something more at every stage. Do the right thing at the right time to avoid having to struggle with patching things up with less desirable life choices, in order to catch up when others have gone far.

There are life experiences and circumstances that may hinder your plans from happening as quickly as you would like them, I agree. And there are also certain conditions that cause us setbacks that we have no control over. But it should not stop you from moving. Keep moving. However, do not run faster than your shadow in trying to get things done. You must create a healthy balance not just in how you live out your life but also in how you conduct yourself every step of the way.

If you don’t know how to prioritise, you will find that when you are ready to get serious, you will be forced to tango with unattractive options. Left-over’s will become the market places you patronise while you thirst for what others acquired at the appropriate times.

 In the words of John F. Kennedy, “Time and the world do not stand still. Change is the law of life”.

THE 'HE-SHE PUZZLE'

I remember a conversation I had with a guy while an undergraduate. It was going quite well until he said something. “If I make it big now and come for you, I’m sure your story will be different”. I just chuckled… Clearly, he missed it.

Man’s mission to discover and understand all there is to know about life, I would say, began with observations of surroundings. Paying close attention to the numerous faces of the skies, the textures of sands, temperatures of waters, the many attitudes of the sun, appearances of the stars, lighting of the moon and character of the seasons fed him with knowledge. Then, recognizing his desires, and realizing the limitations of his will, created by obstacles in his environment, man began to make do with what he had while devising means of utilising what he could find to achieve what he really wanted. Steadily, he conquered his environment. Discoveries have been documented to that effect.

To further cement such discoveries, theories have been suggested and proven. However, of all theories rationalised by man, one that continues to puzzle the mind is the ‘theory of the man and woman’. For something as old as creation, one would expect that by now, it would be a no-brainer. Man defines the world and yet still struggles to understand himself.

It seems that conquering gravity, geometry, anthropology, and all the other big words that label the complex aspects of life are easier than comprehending the emotional, mental and psychological frequencies that live inside us.

Okay, going down the score sheet;

Physical attributes? Tick!!

Common trends in behaviour? Gotten!!

Material tastes and immaterial preferences? Sorted!!

Attitudes towards each other? Hmmnh…

Actions and reactions between us? ‘Noted’ would be an appropriate answer. Then it gets twisted from here on - When the ‘whys’ from both ends of the rope begin to pile.

Seeing how the sighting of a female stirs up chemical reactions in a male that affects his concentration is funny. Or that a female’s audience to a male’s words can at times so easily retire her intelligence to the abandon of redundancy, marvels me more. ;-). It still surprises me that the woman, in all her ‘softness’ could wonderfully couple with man in all his ruggedness. It isn’t so easy explaining why ladies are so eager to be given attention. It is even harder explaining how guys, who know this, still can’t help but pay attention!

There is always an undertone of some sort of tension that exists in ‘inter-gender interaction’ that is found lacking in places where all present are of the same sex. And this tension may not necessarily be a bad one. Notice how we as women and men continue to display habits that have existed for centuries and still indicate in babies born every day. We make references as we learn about them in daily experiences with friends, family and in intimate relationships we commit to.

Trying to comprehend why they are, depending on individual experiences, often wears us out that we consciously and unconsciously become aggressive towards each other; viewing the other as an opponent. Next, we involuntarily switch to writing-off members of the opposite sex; defining them by stereotypes. Such stereotypes may possess some element of truth, but usually fail in enabling us of needed opportunities to develop further.

Believing that all a man needs is money to be able to ‘tame’ a woman is a form of the cold war I’m talking about, for it belittles her as an equally sensible human being. Thinking that every man can be manipulated by the sex ore a woman carries is also debasing men, for it ignores strength of character which quite a number have. These may be pointers, but there are many other considerations around the matter.

At times, when we don’t understand something, we react by antagonising it, instead of calming down and trying to learn. This shouldn’t be but it happens between us subconciously and it's so common place that it's like a reflex. For example, your lover does something that hurts you which you've noticed in others you've been with and then you just decide to harbour a bitter taste about women whil you treat them with a vendetta without truly seeking to understand. The same goes for women. We aren’t in the battle of wit. We aren’t in a race to determine who can do better. We aren’t here to prove which sex doesn’t need the other more, to be fulfilled. Relationships shouldn’t be a means to an end but a form of companionship where love is created and battles are fort together.

Learn to grow familiar with people you meet as individuals. Yes, you will keep encountering common features among members of the same gender so don’t expect a smooth ride…especially when the persons you read don’t have any idea why they are the way they are or know if they ought to be any different. Their individual dispositions should help u engage better with them and not support you in deciding how each person fits in to gender stereotypes. This is important because individuality means difference and this is what gives life diversity and humans, hope for a ‘new show’.

On a soft note, antagonism begets us, yet we find that we are constantly amazed by the consistent revelation that we cannot do without each other. We are kept engaged by our similarities and drawn to each other by our differences. Let questions accompany our examination of each other and not premature conclusions based on unwarranted bias. There are things guys wish we knew about them but wouldn’t dare tell us, may be for fear of being overruled. There are things we want guys to know about us, but aren’t decided on how to best get the message across. The secret to achieving understanding is in seeking to understand. Seek to understand others, that you may be understood.

If you ask me, I’d say celebrate the similarities and appreciate the differences; remembering to strike a fair balance between the two. However, don't set yourself up for a fall when you could enjoy a rise. And…enjoy the puzzling ride!!! *wink wink!