THE COMMERCIAL NATURE OF THE HUMAN MIND

I was at a supermarket one day trying to locate the items I had on my list and I noticed two pretty girls standing right across me doing the same, but ‘gisting’ (chatting) and laughing in the process. I could tell they were close friends from their body language. I overheard the slightly taller girl trying to convince the other one to accompany her to a party that was to hold in a week’s time. She was already pumped with excitement, but her friend who was 10 marks prettier, wasn’t really interested. This one kept looking for reasons not to go and focused more on what she came to buy than on what her friend was talking about.

After much push, the taller friend began talking about how nice it would be to attend the occasion with someone just as pretty as herself to give the guys a feast for their eyes. Then she said something to her friend that made me giggle because I knew what she was now trying to do…“How do you expect to forget your ex if you don’t increase your popularity”? The prettier one answered; “I don’t care”.

The taller one said “Oh but you must care. Everyone got so used to seeing you and him together everywhere. You hardly went anywhere public without each other. If you want to move on you need to re-introduce yourself to the world as ‘single’. And what better way to do it than to be seen socialising without him nearby. A party is the best place to start!” The other girl slowed her pace and her eyes lifted from her shopping list to her friends’ face. Now she was in interested. Well, at least, enough to give her friend a glance. Do you know what she said next? “Okay, okay…I’ll come then. But I will only stay for an hour then we are leaving”. An aggressive hug from the taller girl followed!!!

Did you notice the change in mindset? You see, the tall girl finally succeeded at buying her friend’s approval to go with her to a party because she had offered something that was important to her reluctant friend. She convinced her to go because she was able to show her what she would gain from it. Her friend had just had a bad break up and needed a new start - a welcome distraction. She needed something to help her move on. This would appeal to her and her friend knew it.

The decision to do or not do certain things depends on a queue of circumstances. However, of all, one that remains constant in influencing options we take is the “Me factor”. “What about me?” “What do I have to gain from this?” “How will this affect me?”

People are controlled by the possibility of benefit. It pressures the choices of some, patterns the mentality of others, and determines the actions of many more. What group do you belong?

You know, there is the tendency for the image of money to always show up in minds whenever the term ‘buy’ is mentioned. Nevertheless, that’s not what I mean in this context. It isn’t strange to say that people can be bought. Already we have understood that it isn’t the normal ‘money purchasing’ kind of buy. It just depends on what you are buying them ‘with’ or what you are being bought ‘with’.

The practice of trade has been in human blood for centuries, when trade by barter which I call “acquisition by exchange”, was the popular practice of commerce, as money didn’t exist then. Lordships in Europe and traditional Kings in Africa used such forms of barter to cement inter-regional relationships; by way of giving their daughters out in marriage to worthy personalities in appreciation for favours done. That’s a form of commerce; trade. It still exists in our century. Its presence is so silent that it has become somewhat unconscious…transiting from one aspect of relationship to the next without being noticed.

Simply put, you trade one experience for the benefit of another.

The human mind is a complex one…as complex as the realities of life that engage it. So, most definitely, we aren’t discussing “a trip to the super market, a shopping trolley in hand and a selection of items on the purchase list; then, payment for purchase over the counter”. No, we are not.

We are discussing dreams, interests, inspirations, motives and desires that instigate people to choose to do certain things or allow certain things be done to them.

You see, the mind is fascinated by what appeals to its owner. The brain is what you see. The mind is what gives the brain perspective in the same way the soul gives the body ‘life’. What you like, what you are driven by affects how you choose between options A and B. It could be money, favour, the vision of bright prospects, outsmarting others, the list is endless.

Many times we become involved in situations either because we opt to make them happen or because we allow that they happen to us; most probably since we feel there is something to gain. We condone experiences or engineer experiences hoping to profit. This describes the acquisition by exchange concept I mentioned earlier. Choosing to put in something, hoping to receive something in return can be likened to ‘trade by barter’.

Yes, it is in human nature to be selfish. That, we already know. But what we may not have considered before now is that, this may in fact be an indication of ‘the commercial nature of the human mind’.

Here are some illustrations to better explain. A lady wouldn’t date a guy if his manner of chase didn’t flatter her or if she wasn’t convinced that the potency of benefit was eminent if she accepted him. This ‘potency of benefit’ could be love, companionship or diversely, to show off to her girlfriends, materialistic acquisition or money!!!

Next, you wouldn’t patronize a corporate organization if you didn’t see how its offers would profit you greatly. Finally, you wouldn’t decide to work for people or establishments if the working conditions didn’t promise to somehow favour you.

We become predictable or even gullible when possibilities surrounding options that crowd our lives daily match our ultimate desires. We become easier to deal with by others when it appears they have what we like, what we want. Some people choose to be or remain in the company of others basically because of what they are gaining or what they hope to gain. For some it could be happiness, peace of mind; for others it could be connections, popularity, material gains, intellectual empowerment and financial growth and so on.

Isn’t this what makes advertising and public relations very effective? Consider this: the better the picture, the higher the attraction. This implies that the more beneficial the ‘concept for sale’ appears to our tastes or the more in tune it is with our different interests, motives, goals, dreams, and desires, the higher the chance of us cashing in. We ‘cash in’ in numerous ways - by giving our presence, support, money, friendship, assistance, love, participation and even effort.

Everything we do or avoid doing; the attachment we have with things and people, as well as the distance we keep from certain things and certain people are all influenced by how each of us views the possibility of our benefit in all of it.

Here is the catch: anything being proposed must be something that the mind of the reading eye or listening ear is greatly appealed by in order to make him decide in favour of it.

Now I have to stop this here and start preparing for a seminar I convinced my cousin to also attend, on the grounds that she’d meet potential clients that could invest in her business…lol. Now, isn't that a food for thought! :-)

TEACH YOUR BOY AS YOU TEACH YOUR GIRL

While the MC was cracking jokes about the bride and groom at their wedding reception where I was present, I took note of how a young woman beside me kept pulling her little daughter back to their table every time she ventured to walk away. This woman shushed her each time she wanted to scream. When she tried wriggling out of her chair, her mum spanked her a little and she began sniffing with tears not too far away. Less than 15 minutes later, a little boy ran to the table with stains on his shirt, a spoon in hand and he was screaming. And this woman giggled. When she tried reaching out, he moved away and threw the spoon in his hand at her. Hmmmnh...this little boy was her son..say, a year or two older than the girl who sat put by her mother's side, with a sad face and tears in her eyes. I started to think...

Gender perception in society is one among the numerous strong holds that tug on the strands of societal operation. It echoes within the walls of society from time to time. The concept features in all spheres of human existence (and involvement). It appears in matters of faith, it performs in the spheres of matrimony, it strolls down the halls of politics, it influences inter-gender relations and the list goes on. Gender perception, though not a material (physical) part of society, can explain to some extent, why it is that certain people think the way they do and act the way they do in relation to others of the same gender and of the opposite gender.

In child upbringing, the concept of gender perception plays a very active role. It starts with the general society and converges at the base in the family unit. Humanitarians in Nigeria always clamour for the right of the female child to good education as is effortlessly exercised with her male counterpart. We further hear in the political environment, plenty talk about getting more women not only involved in the political process but having more women represented in the House of Representatives under the Good luck Jonathan administration.

These are all commendable efforts that echo the much potent but too often overlooked relevance of women in the affairs of society. Freedom to good education is not all that there is to the headaches the girl child undergoes. There are other areas where the female child has not been well appreciated as the male child. Enormous attention is placed on the ‘should be’ character of the girl child.

The essence of home training which thrives abundantly in the African culture is to groom a child that she or he may turn out to be commendable, of respectable carriage and a reputable force to reckon with by all who come in contact with such an individual. Thus, speaking well of family roots. Another reason is so that she or he can equally pass on the same received cultural values to her children and the process goes on. So, training a child is like saving for the rainy day… Instilling virtues in a child to enable that child do the same to his child and throughout future generations.

The female child is seen as the starting point of generations. She spends more time with her children as a mother than the father who is presumed to be out working for his family, as society expects. This explains why a lot of noise is always made towards ensuring that the female child is taught how to manage a home, her husband and her children to achieve a favourable balance.

The downside to this however, too much focus is lavished on the female that her brother in plenty cases is overlooked numerously in the training process. Many a time, many mothers get it wrong. You dwell so much on impacting virtues on their daughters for them to be the perfect women for men to marry, forgetting that if a woman is good, she is good for herself, her family and many others around her. Her acceptable behaviour and good manners will attract favour and blessing as well as elevate her in life. Many fathers (not all) only contribute to this via limiting the freedom of such girls by enforcing their marginal and judgmental doctrines upon them.

Life is not all about being the perfect woman for whatever man she will marry in future. A man should not be seen as a prize; but simply appreciated as a necessary aspect of life just as his counterpart, the woman. The essence of her should not be for the satisfaction of the opposite gender but for her to know who she is and value herself. The female child is not a utility object, engaged for the sole purpose of solving problems or attending to house chores and needs of others. The empowerment that many clamour for and that many humanitarians occupy themselves with starts from the loose ends untied in the family unit.

When you fill her head with nothing other than how everything she does connects to the ‘service’ of men, and how she should begrudge other girls in competing for his attention, why then do you express confusion whenever she does not appear to exude the self confidence, independence, inner strength, and undeterred will power that ought to accord her the grace she needs to gain control of her life...? This is because all you have done is give her enough weight to draw her to the bottom of the ocean where she remains at the mercy of the opposite sex.

Train all your children alike. The only thing a wise parent need do is consider physical gender differences and not put children up to tasks that are detrimental to their well being. 
In the same way that a girl is taught how to lay her bed immediately after rising up in the morning, clear the table and take her plate to the kitchen after eating, flush the toilet and wash her hands right after, keep her environment clean, cook good meals, wash her clothes, dining table etiquette, etc is the same way a boy should be taught.

Let us not overburden our daughters with responsibilities that are founded on marginalizing philosophies of life while allowing our boys to go unconsidered. As you teach your daughters to be decent individuals, imbibe and emphasize such values in your sons as well. There is no point preparing the best women for below standard men out there. What then will be the essence of all the effort? Who then, will teach our boys how to play positive and effective roles as husbands and fathers? Who then will teach them how to be good team players in marriage? It does not stop at providing shelter and food.

Let us ask ourselves, what about the women that such boys will grow up to marry? 
No matter the point from where you push it, all sides of the circle will always come round to meet you. Think about the ladies who such boys will be socializing with. If they are not from the start, exposed to an orientation that expects them also to value women, how else will they be able to reciprocate the values you put in your girls while growing up? Then, when challenges arise, she receives advice that she persevere in silence and misery, believing that it is expected of him by call of nature, when this could have been avoided from the start. This is about human feeling and not cultural role play.

How do you expect her to be happy when you invested your all in preparing her for a fall? You want her to be impeccable for her future man. How about the attitude and behaviour of a man towards his future woman? He will lack the manners you taught your girl, he will lack the discipline you exhausted energy imbibing in your girl, he will lack the respect and empathy you nurtured in your girl, he will value only himself and most definitely, he will neglect the rules you taught your girl to uphold in partnership. Your purpose has terribly been defeated. 

Good men don’t just fall from the sky; they come from homes and were once our boys.

Raise up good girls and good boys alike. In that way, society stands a better chance at being a better place for all.