AVOID SAYING "I'M SORRY" IF YOU CAN

I was speaking with Badoli, a close friend of mine who was narrating how terrible things had gotten with his lover in recent times. He expressed with sour bitterness, how she had been sacrificing their relationship for her interests which he knew she wouldn’t admit, to avoid having to open up completely, since he suspected with sound evidence, they bordered heavily on infidelity. I was being very careful not to out rightly advise him to walk away from her because I know how risky meddling into the affairs of lovers can be. He said so much about how she would fail at promises she made, ignore his calls numerously and make no attempt to call back until he called again and demanded for an explanation which she’d only respond to in silence, forget his birthdays and how she would only drop by to see him at work when she had someone else to visit in the area. Yep, sounds like a red alert right?  

Then, finally with courage, he said he stopped calling, stopped seeking for her attention after 2 years of a smooth relationship. She began trying to reach out to him a month later after cold silence between them…but that wasn’t what surprised him or me in fact! Apparently, her best friend who had become their mutual friend was her indirect microphone for their reconciliation. She would call him, claiming to check on him and then ask when last he had checked up on his ‘girlfriend’. Note the title ‘girlfriend’? Just when it seemed to him that they had silently broken up right? I laughed at this point for I understood what was happening. Badoli’s girlfriend wanted back in, but didn’t know how to do it. Or, knew how to do it but couldn’t get herself to. 

I thought, why not just admit that things had soured, apologise for everything and ask for another chance? If having him back would cost her, her pride, why not get on with it. Simple right? Well not that simple for her.

Human relationships work like bonds that keep the circles of life spinning. Blood ties, friendships, acquaintances and romance amongst others, are breeding grounds for interaction that lead to the birth of relationships which humans create by attitudes, behaviours, verbal utterances and correspondence of body language.  What turns a first meeting into decades of long friendship is the kind of relation that happens in between.  

The den of human relations is usually packed with positive and negative landmarks. Relationships are born every day because as people continually cross paths, the fire of new acquaintances is kept burning.

While some make new friends, others are out with familiar faces. Some last, others don’t last that long. Some don’t even survive past the ‘getting to know you’ stage. As some are just beginning, others are building theirs. Some are nurturing theirs, while others are maintaining theirs. Then, there’s the lesser few that are reinforcing the ties that keep them bonded. 

What do you think is the key factor in all these scenarios?

As we all grow old with the world, the same (aging process) happens to our ability to relate with one another. During this time, it’s only natural that our strengths rob off on each other, and our weaknesses become more glaring. 

How do you interact with others? What do you attach most importance to in your relationships? How do you treat others, en-root your journey to achieve your short and long term goals in life?

Avoid to the barest minimum, hurting people. It is not only a noble thing to do, but it saves you the hassles of searching for the best way to set things right. There are ways to handle your moods such that you don’t leave bruises on the hearts, minds or bodies of others (even if they caused it in particular cases). 

We are all very familiar with the phrase “I’m Sorry”. We make use of it when expressing regret for our mistakes, remorse for our wrong doings and seeking pardon that we be forgiven. Whether you realize it or not, saying ‘I’m sorry’ comes with silent promises you don’t even know you are making. And these promises also come accompanied by risks that could discomfort you and to an extent, if not considered thoroughly, question your personality.

As imperfect as we are, we cannot be sure not to offend others. For we even offend without knowing it too. But when you learn to adopt good will for the well-being of others, you will constantly choose the noble course of action in order not to offend the next person. I still get amazed at how some individuals who know they have hurt particular persons would rather stay away from such persons instead of just swallow their pride and say “I’m sorry”. I still have not been able to understand such people. 

Saying I’m sorry when you are in the wrong depicts humility, shows you are aware that feelings have been hurt, shows you care enough to try and indicates you are a peace lover. But take care not to do it at random for this sends the wrong message and the wrong message, has its own consequences. 

The message here is not that you run from apologizing to people when you have offended or hurt them in some way (directly or indirectly) because that would make you appear proud and insensitive. The point is: stop yourself from saying or doing things to people that would make you have to apologize or make amends for it later in order that such relationships stand a chance at survival. Like the popular saying goes, a stitch in time saves nine”.