I was lying in bed
lazily, one evening after I had just come in from an annoying lecture. One of those
lectures where the lecturer just stands in front of the class and speaks in lifeless
whispers that make you wonder whether he spends most of his free time outside
the classroom, rocking babies to sleep. Very boring!! And yes, you are there
trying to listen to him, at least to justify your tuition fees if there be any
reason at all. Then, at the end of the exhausting exercise, where you look
around and see everyone yawning with partially open eye lids, he dishes out
materials as burdening as himself and announces an assignment due date.
While I thanked the
heavens all lecturers aren’t this way, in comes Jen (my roommate) with her
trumpet voice on a call. She was declaring bitterly that guys are better
friends than girls. She kept arguing to convince, that guys are better to have
around than girls. Just the needle to break my camels’ back! (Like, hello!!
Didn’t this girl know she was in the room with a ‘girl’?!!) Annoying…but then
again...it got me thinking.
You see, we all make up different
parts of society. And society, believe it or not, is the
end product of the way we think. Our mentalities fashion the kind of guidelines
our societies live by. It is our thoughts that produce the experiences our
societies live with. Friendship is an
important constituent of human living, in society. Working like the necessary
water to plant growth, it facilitates happiness and human development.
Generally, human
thinking more often than not, is controlled by stereotypes which may be
positive or negative. Numerous women grow up ascribing to stereotypes -
platonic interaction with members of the same gender is one among the
many.
Friendship in its true
essence ought not to be gender based, but the knowledge that many ladies prefer
cultivating friendships with men over women, has become somewhat ‘common place’.
Why is this? [Perception born out of
psychology].
This topic brings to the
fore various colours of opinion. Some say that women prefer men as friends
because females hold grudges, where as males fight it out and forget. Others
say it’s because with men there’s less competition, less envy. Another school
of thought puts it that women are too high maintenance. It takes too much to
attract them and much more to keep them, with overriding factors such as
unnecessary misinterpretation of intentions and actions and the all too
familiar ‘inferiority complex’ stigma
which hampers progress. The list does not end here.
The perception that quite
a number of women harbour about establishing and nurturing relationships and
with fellow women is usually negative. In succession to that, it’s only natural
to shy away from or out rightly disassociate yourself from experiences you
anticipate may be unfavourable to you. Too many women have stereotypical ideas
about their own gender; and consider themselves outside the gender box, while
putting others into it. Not all women, but too many. Women also have
stereotypical ideas about men and have friendships that reinforce them (such
ideas).
Note this: When actions are being
made and opinions being divulged, the recipient must not be in haste to digest
all at face value. I am not saying be proactively suspicious of falsehood in
people you relate with, for that would be encouraging that you distrust others
with paranoia, which is not my intention. Instead, what I’m saying is you don’t
know the hearts of those whose utterances you listen to. A very big mistake you
can make is thinking you know why
individuals live the way they do and say the things they say. People may
utilise popular quotes or employ popular views to express themselves, but the
inspiration behind the answer of each person defers. Experiences that shape the
mind differ.
Friendship plays out in different ways. So, you need to ask certain questions like:
1.
Why
are some women friendlier to men than to fellow women?
2.
Why
are some women predominantly seen in the company of men?
3.
Why
do some women consciously gravitate towards men more?
See? These little questions show the different
scenarios that lead to the big answer up for grabs. There are quite a number
of factors that could lead to scenarios which I just coined into the three
questions above. For starters; background, history, mentality, intention,
motive and personality traits among other things account for why some women may
pick the male gender over the females as a better choice for friendship building.
However, know three things: where you spend most of your time rubs off on you.
What you spend most of your time doing creates a place in you. Most times, it
defines or redefines you.
But then! There is a rough edge that comes with befriending
guys which I am sure, you may have already taken note of, for those of you that
are very observant and analytic to an extent. If you have been relating with
guys for long and the same goes for guys with ladies…you are probably thinking
what I’m thinking.
My advice? Stop and realise that
there’s a high possibility you are making some lazy generalizations, be you a
guy or a lady. Do not be in a hurry to establish friendships for the
fear of being alone. Do not be careless with personal matters just because you
don’t expect betrayal. Learn to accommodate the differences in people and
develop an attitude of correcting flaws with love, and acknowledge strengths
when necessary, for these can simplify even the highest of complexities. Bad
personalities cut across both genders and imperfection is not unique to any
gender alone.
Seek the company of like minded women, and form
friendships with people,
disregarding gender categories. It is the mind that rules, and not the
biological anatomy that encases personalities. There is nothing to compare, it
is just a matter of understanding.
